A letter...for her...and me...

Dear Margo,

I can tell that you are really struggling right now. I can tell that cheer is not fun for you. I know that you feel like your coach is picking on you. It makes me so sad to see your blank, sad face in practice where I used to see a little girl who lit up, smiled and joked with her teammates and coaches. I miss that happy girl. One of my favorite pictures ever of you is from the last competition last year when you are in your final pose after the dance- you look so happy and so proud of yourself. It makes me smile when I look at it because I know at that very second you were happy and content.

But honestly, this is not about cheer. This is about what makes you happy. I don’t want to spend a year in cheer or anything else where you aren’t having fun. Your childhood is much too short for that- soon enough you’ll be a grown-up with lots of responsibilities and worries so for now I want you to be happy and feel good.

I think that you are a fabulous cheerleader and you have come so far (hello? You’re NINE and you can do a back tuck!!!!!) and I have no doubt that you could do even more if you set your mind to it. But if you don’t love it (and keep in mind this is spring training and conditioning is yucky…even by adult standards but there is a reason that it has to be done) we either need to find out why and change that or maybe take some time off and explore other options that would make you happier. I will be here cheering you on no matter what you choose because I am your mommy and I love you. I don’t love you because you are a cheerleader. I don’t love you because you can do a back tuck. I love you because you are Margo and you are my daughter. I love you because you are you.

Daddy will want to chat with you this weekend and I think he has some good ideas in mind to help you figure out what to do. Sometimes making decisions are so hard- even when you’re a grown-up! It takes some thinking and reflecting to decide what you want to do because sometimes if we make rash (which in this case ‘rash’ means ‘quickly and without thought’ ) decisions we regret them and wish we would have chosen differently. I want you to think about what will make you happy. That’s what’s important. Mommy and daddy love you and support you no matter what as long as you make a choice that is good for you.

I love you.

SS, who wrote this for herself as much as her daughter...because sometimes parenting is hard...and giving up what control we think we have over our kids is even harder...

Usually I charge but this advice is free

I spent the last four months working (and getting an actual paycheck- squeeeeee!) to declutter and organize my friend's house. It was an amazing experience and as a Virgo I ate that shit up. Purging, organizing, label making, cleaning, it was the most fun I've had since I walked into a certain attorney's office in Chicago back in 2001 and went to town organizing the shit out of his 1800+ asbestos cases (orgasmic! holy smokes- a Virgo in a room where she is allowed to organize, label and file things is like giving a pig a fresh, hot steaming pit of mud to roll in).

One of the things my friend couldn't get a handle on was her daughter's room.

"How on earth do you get Agnes to keep her room clean?" she asked me one day as we looked into her daughter's room which I had reorganized and decluttered not once but twice while I was working there yet still looked like it had been hit by a rampaging pack of starving weasels searching anything- ANYTHING- to eat or chew on.

I really didn't have a good answer at the time but after today...I do.

Hey H- 

So, you asked how I keep Agnes's room clean and tonight I have an answer for you.

Apparently the clutter creeps in a little at a time until I finally really notice it and it drives me nuts. Then I turn into a raving lunatic and go around the perimeter of her room launching all of her shit into a huge pile in the middle of the room ranting and raving about how she needs to clean up and if she doesn't bed bugs can hide in all the clutter...

...and then I get drunk.

That's how we keep sanity (a term I am, for all practical purposes, using VERY loosely at this point) and organization. I hope that you will learn from my awesome expertise.

I didn't even charge her for that piece of advice- it was a like a little insider tip from me to her- I hope she can extract some good ideas from it.

SS, who might have lost her mind today with the constant piles of SHIT her family kept leaving all over the house...